Loneliness and Mental Wars

Okay, okay, okay. I'm going to be upfront with you, I'm a bit lonely. Surprised? Don't be. I tend to stay to myself and keep my emotions under key and lock. Since I lost my best friend I feel as if I cant trust anyone. I don't feel the need to share my feelings, well, actually I do, but I don't really trust anyone to when it come to my emotions and being vulnerable.  Why? Because it always comes back to bite me in the ass. Allowing myself to be weak in front of other people has lead to more heartbreak than ever.

That's why I can barely stand the human race as it is. Because so many people have hurt me and taken the trust that I put in their hands, and watched as they shred it to pieces. And now I'm nursing wounds from bonds that were broken and wishing that I had never trusted the wrong people with something as fragile as my trust. Yes, I know, I'm whining aren't I? Blame it on the teenage angst I suppose.

Now, I want to make something very clear. I don't want your pity nor do I need it. I'm strong enough to carry around all my problems and stand n my own two feet. Yes, I'm struggling, but the point is I'm doing it. The thing is it's hard when you feel like you have no one to talk to, to be vulnerable, to pour out all of your problems and emotions in front of them. Forgive me if I'm coming off as an unstable brat, but... at this point, it's pathetic to say, that I feel as if this blog is the only thing that I can spill my issues to. I'm trying to be mindful of the people who come on here and limiting what I reveal about my mental and emotional state, but it's too late for that now huh?

I'm not even the legal age limit to drink and already I feel as if I experienced the emotional range of what a 70 year old would have went through. I might be exaggerating but in truth, I don't really care what you guys think. Some teens go through wars at their homes and mine just happens to take place in my mind.

Sure, it does suck to have to fight a battle everyday and not tell anyone about it. But I'm willing to stand in a suit of armor by myself if that means I'm stronger by the time the war ends. Well, look at that, I'm babbling. So let me finish off by saying that I'll be alright, I just wish I wasn't as alone as I let myself be. But it is a choice that I made and only I can make and I'm willing to accept the consequences of all my choices. Even this one. Thanks for reading.