The Inferno:
I think I died and went to heaven
when it was really hell in disguise
Now my devils won’t let me be
as the demons inside of me
crawl out to greet me
and tearing what is left of my
soul.
This blog is an introduction into my soul and mind, a pathway to the many things that make up me. Here, I will peel back the layers that hide my soul and expose it for all to see. I welcome you dear reader and fellow bloggers, to read my works and humor me by reading my posts. And if asked, I will return the favor.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
The Inescapable Reality
Strings un-knot themselves in the darkness
Leaving an intangible mess
of a soul
unbound by regret
and painted black with sadness
Leaving an intangible mess
of a soul
unbound by regret
and painted black with sadness
In their wake a body is left vacant
To later be filled with numbness
and demons that peel back layers of her flesh
Revealing the remains of the chaos her vessel once held
To later be filled with numbness
and demons that peel back layers of her flesh
Revealing the remains of the chaos her vessel once held
Hollow eyes pierce those who pass her
The coal black orbs and inky hair in contrast with pale skin
Looking more like the broken moon then a lifeless body on a sidewalk
The coal black orbs and inky hair in contrast with pale skin
Looking more like the broken moon then a lifeless body on a sidewalk
No one pays her no mind
til the blood sinks into the cement
and down into the soil
The earth absorbing her silent screams for help
til the blood sinks into the cement
and down into the soil
The earth absorbing her silent screams for help
She's muted
Her chest is still and the world keeps moving on
Rotating on its axis
Another child lost to the cycle of destruction
Her chest is still and the world keeps moving on
Rotating on its axis
Another child lost to the cycle of destruction
When eyes land on her
Cold and pitiless
All she gets is a casket
Buried under the ground
the dirt resonating her pleas
But only the reaper can hear them
and not even he will offer the helping hand to the deserted being
Cold and pitiless
All she gets is a casket
Buried under the ground
the dirt resonating her pleas
But only the reaper can hear them
and not even he will offer the helping hand to the deserted being
For the dead can't speak and can only suffer silently
Monday, October 8, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Stop
When people start talking to me, a mile a minute, without actually saying anything worth listening to.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Florence + the Machine - Shake It Out (Lyrics)
This has been my song for the past week. I never really paid any attention to them. The only time I did, was when Dog Days Are Over came out. The only reason I even stumbled upon this song was because of Glee. They made their own cover of Shake It Out and I thought "WOW" and had to look up the original version. I immediately fell in love.
This describes so much of what I went through. I don't want to get into that but this song means so much to me and I play it at least once a day. I already learned the lyrics through repeated listening. Give it a try.
Time
Time
Minutes ticking on a clock
An intangible thing
that rules our life
Another form of drug that
we are dependent on
Time
An elusive concept
Memories locked away
in the realm of space
The wasted seconds
The moments lost to ignorance
and death
Time
Numbers that mock us when we can't sleep
Numbers that sneer at us when we're late
Time
A meaningless word that holds no true value if wasted
But we spend so much of it wishing away
instead of chasing our dreams
Time
Something we don't have
A limited thing that if not used
Can not be regained
It moves on
without even glancing our way
Time
A thing so precious
it's abused.
Minutes ticking on a clock
An intangible thing
that rules our life
Another form of drug that
we are dependent on
Time
An elusive concept
Memories locked away
in the realm of space
The wasted seconds
The moments lost to ignorance
and death
Time
Numbers that mock us when we can't sleep
Numbers that sneer at us when we're late
Time
A meaningless word that holds no true value if wasted
But we spend so much of it wishing away
instead of chasing our dreams
Time
Something we don't have
A limited thing that if not used
Can not be regained
It moves on
without even glancing our way
Time
A thing so precious
it's abused.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Words
I can't seem to be able to keep my word. Well, more correctly, I just won't. I make promises, even when I'm perfectly aware that the words slipping through the cracks of my lips are empty. Hollow letters that spring out of my mouth at a moments notice. And yet, I do nothing to sop them. I let those letters form into words and then into phrases, what seems like honest promises are actually lies in disguise. And what makes it worse, is that I keep making promises that I know I'm not going to keep and let the other person down, willingly. Words seem to be such fickle things.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Breathe
Give me a break why don't you?
Give me some space to breathe
I'm suffocating
No exaggeration
You're sucking all the oxygen
out of me
and into you
breathing down my neck
and clinging to my back
I don't I can do this
I mean
you in my space
all the damn time
exhaling your lies
fogging my view of the truth
I want you gone
Out of here
Go on, I don't need you here
Or ever for that matter
Don't cling to me
or my dress
or my flesh
You will not be another demon
with a human face
Not in my my life
Give me my room
My space
If you do
then you can stay
But you won't
Because you want me near
So close that you turn into a parasite
and suck the life out of my bones
I don't want to be your host
So let me be
and let me breathe
Please
Just let me
BREATHE
Give me some space to breathe
I'm suffocating
No exaggeration
You're sucking all the oxygen
out of me
and into you
breathing down my neck
and clinging to my back
I don't I can do this
I mean
you in my space
all the damn time
exhaling your lies
fogging my view of the truth
I want you gone
Out of here
Go on, I don't need you here
Or ever for that matter
Don't cling to me
or my dress
or my flesh
You will not be another demon
with a human face
Not in my my life
Give me my room
My space
If you do
then you can stay
But you won't
Because you want me near
So close that you turn into a parasite
and suck the life out of my bones
I don't want to be your host
So let me be
and let me breathe
Please
Just let me
BREATHE
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
For Colored Girls
Rating: 4/5
I literally just finished watching this movie. This movie right here, is a masterpiece. It was a bit slow in the beginning and I had fooled myself into thinking I was not going to cry. Foolish me cried several times afterward, even when the credits rolled. This movie is powerful. Why? Because it portrayed these woman with different lifestyles and stripped back their layers and revealed to us, the watchers, the audience, that when life knocks you down to the point you want to die, you still have to get back up. These woman only have two things in common: they are african american woman and they have their own individual issues. What I really liked about this movie was that they used woman who represented the different lifestyles of people. One was rich, another was being abused, one couldn't have children, and one was a promiscuous woman.
At times it feels like too many things are going on at once, like you don't have time to breathe because there is even more drama unfolding on the screen. Another thing that put me off was the way they spoke at times. It was like they were spitting poetry and as a writer and poet myself, I found that beautiful but confusing at times. I just didn't understand why they were using poetry to speak, but I guessed it was to show what they felt in a way that differed from the usual.
For Colored Girls is a beautiful movie meant to teach that id there is one thing you should hold onto, it is yourself. It is a movie meant to be watched and enjoyed. When you watch this film, start it with an open mind and an even more open heart , so give it a chance, you won't be sorry.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Unwanted Love
My friend told me he loved me, and since I have no one to actually tell it to, I'll tell it to you (un)lucky reader! It all started off normally, us just hanging out in my living room, and me trying to ignore him. Right now, we're going through a rough patch in our friendship (he's overly clingy and I get annoyed easily). Sooner or later, we started to converse. He came around 3pm and at 1am, when I was considering kicking him out, he asked me "Hey Denise, you hate when people hide things from you right?"
I had looked at him weird, and said, "Yes, because it usually gets back to me at some point."
He made a sound and kept looking at his phone. "Do you have something you want to say to me?" He smiled and I knew right then, that the night was about to be ruined.
It took him some time to formulate his thoughts and during that time, I sat away from him. To make this go faster, I'll skip to the important parts.
When he was ready, he said, "I never believed in love..."
In my head: Oh boy.
And from there, he confessed how I changed his life (I helped him through his depression) and when he started liking me and that I was this and that, blah, blah, blah. I honestly didn't care, because I have rejected him twice before. This time however, was the first time he said love and I asked him, "What was my response from before?" He made a face after that. A few minutes later, he followed me to my room, because I didn't want to be near him. He kept saying he loved me and he would do anything for me. He kept saying he would change for me, that all I had to do was say what I didn't like.
I stared at him and yelled "Remember how I told you not to change for anyone but yourself?" He had nodded, his figure leaning against the door frame of my door. I was looking through my closet, trying to distract myself from him, in hopes he would leave me the hell alone, but instead, he stayed in that spot and continued talking.
At this point, I snapped. I called him pathetic for not being able to take the word no and for purposely keeping himself in hopeless situations. I told him to give up because nothing was going to change.
He said he wouldn't give up and that he wasn't pathetic. He said he was afraid of loneliness. I turned away from the closet and glared at him.
"Brandon, you're 16 and acting as if you'll never love again. You don't know how many people you'll go through by the time you're 50. How many people's hearts you'll break or how many times your heart was broken. You're acting as if me saying no and Arienne saying no is a sign that no one will ever love you."
Him: "But I'm afraid that you'll get hurt. That the guy won't treat you as good as me."
Me: "At the first sign of anything, I'll dump the bitch. Plus, it's my choice not yours. I just don't want to go out with you and nothing you can say can change that."
He then says he's mad that I won't give him a chance and blah. Honestly, we continued for a couple or 20 minutes before he decided he should leave.
At the door, he says he loved me and I just hummed. He hugged me and was sadden that I didn't hug back (I rarely do). When the door was opened, I just smiled and told him to have a safe trip and goodbye. He stared at me and then left, bidding his goodbye in the hallway.
Ugh. I hate when shit like this happens. Give me advice someone!
I had looked at him weird, and said, "Yes, because it usually gets back to me at some point."
He made a sound and kept looking at his phone. "Do you have something you want to say to me?" He smiled and I knew right then, that the night was about to be ruined.
It took him some time to formulate his thoughts and during that time, I sat away from him. To make this go faster, I'll skip to the important parts.
When he was ready, he said, "I never believed in love..."
In my head: Oh boy.
And from there, he confessed how I changed his life (I helped him through his depression) and when he started liking me and that I was this and that, blah, blah, blah. I honestly didn't care, because I have rejected him twice before. This time however, was the first time he said love and I asked him, "What was my response from before?" He made a face after that. A few minutes later, he followed me to my room, because I didn't want to be near him. He kept saying he loved me and he would do anything for me. He kept saying he would change for me, that all I had to do was say what I didn't like.
I stared at him and yelled "Remember how I told you not to change for anyone but yourself?" He had nodded, his figure leaning against the door frame of my door. I was looking through my closet, trying to distract myself from him, in hopes he would leave me the hell alone, but instead, he stayed in that spot and continued talking.
At this point, I snapped. I called him pathetic for not being able to take the word no and for purposely keeping himself in hopeless situations. I told him to give up because nothing was going to change.
He said he wouldn't give up and that he wasn't pathetic. He said he was afraid of loneliness. I turned away from the closet and glared at him.
"Brandon, you're 16 and acting as if you'll never love again. You don't know how many people you'll go through by the time you're 50. How many people's hearts you'll break or how many times your heart was broken. You're acting as if me saying no and Arienne saying no is a sign that no one will ever love you."
Him: "But I'm afraid that you'll get hurt. That the guy won't treat you as good as me."
Me: "At the first sign of anything, I'll dump the bitch. Plus, it's my choice not yours. I just don't want to go out with you and nothing you can say can change that."
He then says he's mad that I won't give him a chance and blah. Honestly, we continued for a couple or 20 minutes before he decided he should leave.
At the door, he says he loved me and I just hummed. He hugged me and was sadden that I didn't hug back (I rarely do). When the door was opened, I just smiled and told him to have a safe trip and goodbye. He stared at me and then left, bidding his goodbye in the hallway.
Ugh. I hate when shit like this happens. Give me advice someone!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Life is pain plus smiles
There are days where you are going to feel broken, worthless and forgotten. There are days where nothing seems right, goes right, or feels right at all. We have days that seemed to stretch into years, where our minds seem to hold our souls captive to torture us with dark thoughts and self hatred. But there are also days where we can't stop smiling, giggling, laughing. There are days that we wish never end, wanting to keep that moment alive forever. There are days where everything does go right, where we feel like the sexiest people on Earth, the smartest person in our class. Just keep your head up when things go wrong and remember, pain and happiness is apart of life.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Loneliness and Mental Wars
Okay, okay, okay. I'm going to be upfront with you, I'm a bit lonely. Surprised? Don't be. I tend to stay to myself and keep my emotions under key and lock. Since I lost my best friend I feel as if I cant trust anyone. I don't feel the need to share my feelings, well, actually I do, but I don't really trust anyone to when it come to my emotions and being vulnerable. Why? Because it always comes back to bite me in the ass. Allowing myself to be weak in front of other people has lead to more heartbreak than ever.
That's why I can barely stand the human race as it is. Because so many people have hurt me and taken the trust that I put in their hands, and watched as they shred it to pieces. And now I'm nursing wounds from bonds that were broken and wishing that I had never trusted the wrong people with something as fragile as my trust. Yes, I know, I'm whining aren't I? Blame it on the teenage angst I suppose.
Now, I want to make something very clear. I don't want your pity nor do I need it. I'm strong enough to carry around all my problems and stand n my own two feet. Yes, I'm struggling, but the point is I'm doing it. The thing is it's hard when you feel like you have no one to talk to, to be vulnerable, to pour out all of your problems and emotions in front of them. Forgive me if I'm coming off as an unstable brat, but... at this point, it's pathetic to say, that I feel as if this blog is the only thing that I can spill my issues to. I'm trying to be mindful of the people who come on here and limiting what I reveal about my mental and emotional state, but it's too late for that now huh?
I'm not even the legal age limit to drink and already I feel as if I experienced the emotional range of what a 70 year old would have went through. I might be exaggerating but in truth, I don't really care what you guys think. Some teens go through wars at their homes and mine just happens to take place in my mind.
Sure, it does suck to have to fight a battle everyday and not tell anyone about it. But I'm willing to stand in a suit of armor by myself if that means I'm stronger by the time the war ends. Well, look at that, I'm babbling. So let me finish off by saying that I'll be alright, I just wish I wasn't as alone as I let myself be. But it is a choice that I made and only I can make and I'm willing to accept the consequences of all my choices. Even this one. Thanks for reading.
That's why I can barely stand the human race as it is. Because so many people have hurt me and taken the trust that I put in their hands, and watched as they shred it to pieces. And now I'm nursing wounds from bonds that were broken and wishing that I had never trusted the wrong people with something as fragile as my trust. Yes, I know, I'm whining aren't I? Blame it on the teenage angst I suppose.
Now, I want to make something very clear. I don't want your pity nor do I need it. I'm strong enough to carry around all my problems and stand n my own two feet. Yes, I'm struggling, but the point is I'm doing it. The thing is it's hard when you feel like you have no one to talk to, to be vulnerable, to pour out all of your problems and emotions in front of them. Forgive me if I'm coming off as an unstable brat, but... at this point, it's pathetic to say, that I feel as if this blog is the only thing that I can spill my issues to. I'm trying to be mindful of the people who come on here and limiting what I reveal about my mental and emotional state, but it's too late for that now huh?
I'm not even the legal age limit to drink and already I feel as if I experienced the emotional range of what a 70 year old would have went through. I might be exaggerating but in truth, I don't really care what you guys think. Some teens go through wars at their homes and mine just happens to take place in my mind.
Sure, it does suck to have to fight a battle everyday and not tell anyone about it. But I'm willing to stand in a suit of armor by myself if that means I'm stronger by the time the war ends. Well, look at that, I'm babbling. So let me finish off by saying that I'll be alright, I just wish I wasn't as alone as I let myself be. But it is a choice that I made and only I can make and I'm willing to accept the consequences of all my choices. Even this one. Thanks for reading.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
My Back you will See
I turn my back to thee! With my back you will see, that the bond we have, will no longer be. Or in more simpler words: Fuck Off.
Honesty Hour I: Words Gone Sour
I know how I am. I won't deny it. I'm a bitch for being blunt and honest, barely sugar coating anything. I'm just sick and tired of having to control what I say, just because honesty isn't appreciated anymore. I will not take the words that I meant and if you can't handle what I say, then please walk yourself to the door. Thank you and have a nice day.
Teenage Angst
Teenage angst sucks. It really does. It makes someone like me, who hates to cry and be all emotional, cry as if I was an infant. It makes me want to be reckless and fall to my death, but I'm still holding strong. I want no pity or sympathy, I just want this stage in my life to be over. Hopefully it is just that, a stage.
Rot in Hell
I want to see you burn and feel the peeling of your flesh and shriveling of your organs. I want to see your ashes litter the floor, your corpse unrecognizable. Your face a mere unwanted memory that my mind would soon forget with age. I want to hear your screams fill the night, the sound of your choking soon following after before you fall to your demise. And I'll laugh while you rot in hell.
Footprints in Our Lives
I decided we are like footprints at the beach. Now before you say "WTF?" and go on your merry way thinking that I'm just another crazy chick, please continue to read on. Now like I was saying, we are like the footprints on the beach. Except the beach, or in this case, the sand, would be the lives of the many people that we knew or know. And the footprints? They are the aftermath, the evidence of our effect on that person's life.
You see, some footprints take longer to be washed away by the sea, but we can still see them in our minds. We know it our feet had made an impression in the sand, and it's just like that with people. We know that we were part of one another's life at one point, regardless if we still are. We still hold memories of that other person, can feel the aftermath of their demise with their death or moving away or when we lose contact. Some footprints are harder to wash away, farther away from the relentless ocean, or were made with heavier steps, needing a few more waves to wash them away from our eyes.
It's like that with people. Some people are harder to forget, even the ones we wish we never met. How many times did you wish you didn't have to remember the times you were betrayed? Or the many times you lost someone? Because they left a piece of themselves, a footprint in our lives I suppose. And sometimes the sea can never reach the footprints left in their leave, too far high and deep in the sand, on the beach, to later be replaced with sand or other footprints.
Maybe I'm babbling, I feel like I am. But the point is, we leave our marks just as we left our mark on the beach, even temporarily. So be careful where you step and the lives you touch, because one wrong step and... well, you get the idea.
Picture: http://joog07.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/footprints_in_the_sand_op_493x600.jpg
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Wanderless Musings
Don't you ever feel like packing up your things and just going away? I know I do. I just want to take a bag and stuff it, take some money and food and be on my way. I want to go on an adventure across the world, learn a new language and make a whole new identity for myself. Yes, I know I am clearly ignoring the consequences of doing any of these things, but still, humor me. Imagine if we could just start anew whenever we wanted, go wherever we wanted, just because we could. Now imagine that you were given the chance to do that, would you take it?
As much as I desire to grow wings and fly away, I would much rather stay with my feet on the ground. I would rather stay around the familiar because in truth, I am scared of what an unknown place holds for me. I am perfectly aware that I just contradicted what I had said previously, about wanting to go to an unknown place with only a few clothes and some change in my pocket, but in truth, I know I am incapable of it. Well, incapable is not the right word, more like I just won't. I wouldn't just get up and leave everything I know behind, though at times I wish to. At night, in the silence of my room, I wonder, if I just left, what would happen? Who would I encounter? Who would miss me and who would shrug it off? What would happen in the course of time it took me to wander aimlessly through the country?
These are questions I wish to amuse and no matter how many scenarios I make in my head, I never know the actual answer. And I hate not knowing those answers. I want to know that my family would be alright without me, that I would be safe and that they would be even more safe than I would be. I want to be certain that my mother would not die of heartache if her child just leaves without another word. I need to know that if I leave the safety of my home, that I would not end up in a gutter, just another faceless and nameless girl in the land of nowhere. But as of now, I can't be too sure. That's one of the may things keeping me from stretching my legs and extending them beyond the reach of my safe zone. But those named are the main reasons that I stay.
Yes, I do still wish that I could go away. That in a far away place I would be able to breathe easier, reevaluate a life I barely started and come to terms with myself and all the things I've done and want to do. I just want to get away from it all: the yelling, the roaring engine of cars in the middle of the night, of the voices that haunt me in my mind, of everything and everyone I know. Maybe it's not the best reason to leave, but it is still my reason. It is the reason I wish to escape and maybe one day I will have the guts to do so. Maybe one day I will wake up and just leave. Maybe one day, when I'm sick of the bullshit and loneliness, I would go away, never to be seen or heard from again, just to return to my biggest fear. I fear that on my return, no one would have missed me, no one would remember me or even worse, everyone would hate me for what I did: Leaving behind my family and friends for something as selfish as a whim, just because I could.
I really wish I could, but I am going to stay here, planted to the forsaken city that I reside in.
Monday, July 2, 2012
How I Became a Rape Victim
“Society has allowed rapists to define what resistance is: screaming, crying, scratching, pushing, kicking, biting, punching. I didn’t resist like that. My resistance was to wriggle a bit, turn my head away when he tried to kiss me, try to stop his hand going into my bra and knickers, push him ineffectually, talk about wanting to get my cab; all things which normal men recognise as not being enthusiastic participation when they are engaging with women but pretend it’s a grey area when they talk about rape. Rapists have managed to get society to believe, that what I did, was consent. Because I didn’t resist in the way rapists - and society - say that women should resist, they define our non-participation as consent.”
-A section of the article “How I became a rape victim”
-A section of the article “How I became a rape victim”
Gym Class Heroes: The Fighter ft. Ryan Tedder [OFFICIAL VIDEO]
Never let life knock you down to the point you refuse to get back up. Be strong. Be a fighter.
Workout for your Legs
Get Your Best Legs
First know that you can’t reduce fat in just one place. Your body takes a little bit of fat from everywhere, more or less in some places due to your genetics. Doing a ton of leg exercises isn’t necessarily going to make all that fat disappear, at least not by itself. We do these exercises to shape and tone the muscles so your legs have a great shape. If you aren’t eating healthy and doing cardio those sexy muscles are going to be hidden no matter how many squats you do. Gaining muscle helps, it increases the metabolism thus burning more calories, but you have to work the rest of your body and have a clean diet too.
Try to do one video or pick five exercises and do 3 sets of 8-12 reps (or until you feel the burn) about 3-4 days a week. Do cardio 3-5 days a week too, it can be running, biking, swimming, Zumba, kickboxing, whatever gets your heart pounding and sweat dripping. You can combine strength workouts and cardio into the same day if you want. Make sure to eat protein after your workouts, it helps build muscle!
These are, in my opinion, the best thigh and leg exercises and videos. I’ve included links to instructions for most of the exercises and a variety that you can do at home or at the gym. If you workout at home try to get some 8-10 lbs dumbbells, or get a backpack/duffel bag and fill it with heavy books to challenge yourself.
If you have access to a gym try these machines & equipment:
- the leg/hamstring curl machine
- the leg press machine
- the leg abductor/adductor machines
- squats with a barbell and/or dumbbells
- barbell deadlifts
- lunges with dumbbells
- bulgarian split squat
If you don’t have access to a gym try these exercises at home:
- wall squats
- jump squats
- bridge/hip lifts (try them with your feet on a chair/bed)
- hip lifts on a balance ball (you’ll get an almost instant burn!)
- leg lifts
- inner thigh lifts
- the fire hydrant
- sumo squats
- suicides
These are my favorite leg videos:
Droplets of Agony
I need a pool to float in, an ocean to sink in. I need an anchor to keep me still. I need a lifeline to keep me from drowning. I need the tears to cease and the worries to wash away. I need the me from the past to swim up for air and kill the sadness that swirls in my chest. I need the me of today to survive. So I will survive.
The Chaos of a Lost Soul
And like a ship at sea, she sails on
even if her insides are screaming
the fabric of her very being protesting violently
against the cold waves of her agony
And like a volcano, she explodes
the destruction of her structure unstoppable
and beautiful
Never ending and hopeless
And like a building, she collapses onto herself
into her bones
a chaotic mess of buried words and secrets
littering the pavement around her
engraving itself into the worlds memory
And like a addict, she screams for more
wanting nothing more but to block out reality
and go to a world where nothing hurts and
people didn't exist
in a place where it was only she and not
a him or another her
just she and the ice inside her soul
And like a blistering winter, she blocks out the light
and lets the fingers of numbness rock her body until
she's sleeping
never wishing to awake
even if in her head
her demons won't let her be
And like a ghost
she's filled with regrets
weighted down by lies
the ashes of bridges burned swirling around her
with the leaves of Autumn
And like a corpse, she lays still
waiting for the rest of her to rot away
to be forgotten by time
to leave her mind and herself
And like death
she lingers in the air
destructive and silent
and oh so terribly
merciful on its descent
Fragile Glass
It's difficult trying to keep up the font of being strong and unbeatable when really your nothing more thsn fragile glass, just waiting to shatter. Always look underneath the underneath. For anything can break under the right amount of pressure. And some people have either gone insane or died from that. The cracks in their reflection was far too large and vunerable for attack from their enemies.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
I could make you fall in love with me in five minutes.
By: http://poetinside.tumblr.com/
Twitter: jasminesealy Jasmine Sealy
You could ask me my name and I could tell you that names don’t matter. That I was named after my grandmother from the moment that pink cross showed up on that white stick until my mother looked at me and somehow underneath the blood and placenta saw a Jasmine and so that is my name but would I have been any different, would we not be having this conversation right now had I been named something else?
You could tell me you think I’m beautiful. And I could tell you that I don’t want to be beautiful. That I shaved off all of my hair in my mother’s kitchen with my brother’s electric razor before getting on a plane to move to the other side of the world. I could ask you what you love most about yourself. I could ask you about vanity. And I could tell you to imagine throwing it away, that one thing, that thing that makes you beautiful.
You could try to kiss me and I could kiss you back. I could kiss you and pull your hair and bite your lips and grind my crotch into yours. I could kiss you like a woman and make you forget about all those girls who came before. I could kiss you and then disappear and leave you less, leave you empty, leave you missing something you never even knew you wanted.
You could fall in love with my tattoos that mean things and the ones that don’t. With my scars and my stories. With the strobe light dancing through the fabric of the best conversation you’ve ever had. With the way I make you feel like the most important person in the room and no one at the same time. With the way I make you think. With the way I make you think about thinking.
I could make you fall in love with me in five minutes.
But tomorrow, when you see that I’m just like the rest of them? Tomorrow when I don’t want to be mysterious anymore. Tomorrow when I am jealous and insecure and needy. Tomorrow when I love you back.
Would you love me tomorrow?
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